Richard Ethun proud husband of Karen, father of Elizabeth, Angela and Cecilia, member of St Lukes for 30 plus years, GoodWill Sunday School Class teacher, Sinner and Participant in God’s Plan

John 12:23-27

23Jesus answered them, ‘The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25Those who love their life lose it, and those who lose their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also. Whoever serves me, the Father will honor. 27 ‘Now my soul is troubled. And what should I say—“Father, save me from this hour”? No, it is for this reason that I have come to this hour.

Reflection:

I was 17, sitting in Sophomore English when a close friend who taught in our high school interrupted class to speak to me in the hall. I knew this was big because a teacher would never stop a lesson unless it were. It was my brother. He was dead. Not my brother serving in Viet Nam. Not my dad, also in Viet Nam flying combat missions. No. My 20-year-old brother who was working hard to provide for his wife and infant daughter with another on the way. Following the rules, fitting in, striving to give back. I was numb when I heard the news. For two years, I went through the motions. And when I was told by a well-meaning stranger at his memorial that this was all God’s plan, I knew in an instant I wanted no part of a God whose “Plan” included killing my brother in such a senseless way.

That moment in 1968 ignited in me an intense yearning to find peace—mental, emotional, spiritual peace. Eastern religions, yoga, meditation, pop philosophy, ashrams, wats, temples, all drew me near to find truth, comfort—God. For 20 years I stayed away from the Christian Church. It wasn’t until Karen and I started a family and she began to take our young daughters to church every week that I relented and did my part by accompanying my family every Sunday. Eight years later, in 1996, I went on a Walk to Emmaus for a weekend and I finally found the Peace of Christ that had been there for me all along. For 28 years I had been driven into the wilderness only to find that I was never alone, and comfort was always waiting in the embrace of Christ and his Church.

I thought of this time in my life when a few months ago I noted it was 53 years since my brother’s passing. A few weeks ago, I was reading the Gospel of John chapter 12 where Jesus is saying the time had come to lay down his life for us. And “his soul was troubled.” He was troubled. No. I was troubled. I was troubled by losing my brother at such a young age. But here was Jesus about to die for all of us to show us the love of God, God’s grace. Jesus should have been terrified, bereft of hope, felt abandoned, duped, run out of time. His disciples weren’t ready. Have you seen his disciples? And had I been asked by Jesus for my opinion I would have advised him to ask for a stay, a continuance, more time to get things in order to ensure that his message was understood and in practice long enough to secure its longevity and success. And, yes, I’m glad I wasn’t asked my opinion.

Throughout the Bible, in both the Old Testament and New, moments of transition are recorded and used by God to reveal a truth or strength evident to us, the reader, but seldom to the person engaged in the event described. From Adam and Eve, to Job; the Harlot of Jericho, to the Syrophoenician woman; and from the Stoning of Stephen to the Road to Damascus—all of these events describe the warp and weft of a plan. God’s plan. So would I accept a do-over with my brother? Yes, in a heartbeat. But would I give up my family and life today to make it happen? No. Never.

I am the husband, dad, granddad, friend, partner, and man that I am today because of a myriad of life events and my relationship with God. I am strengthened by God, God’s Son, and the Holy Spirit. I will continue to mark the passing of my brother every year. And I will mark the love of Christ daily with devotion, prayer, and thanksgiving for a life in transition.

Prayer:

God of Grace and Glory, I struggle with change and sometimes fear it. Help me to strengthen my faith and embolden me to know that you are God and with me always. Encourage me through your Spirit to turn to you in every circumstance. And help me to see you in all parts of my life. Always. In Christ’s name, I pray. Amen.