Justine Vandenbrink

Luke 10:38-42 NLT

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught.40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Reflection:
In Brene Brown’s book Atlas of the Heart, she breaks down 87 of the emotions that define what it means to be human. She categorizes these emotions by “places we go” based on common experiences. One category particularly stuck out to me: “Places We Go When We Compare”. I don’t know about you, but I have a serious problem with comparing myself to others. I think being an Enneagram Three (shoutout to all my Achievers out there!) makes me more prone to comparison, although honestly, with social media, it’s hard NOT to compare oneself to others. I’m ambitious and want to be the best, but I also look for validation through my accomplishments. 

As I read the story of Mary and Martha, I became more and more convinced that Martha was similar. She invited Jesus into her home and was determined to be the best hostess. She wanted to be validated through hard work preparing a large, and no doubt perfect, dinner. However, as Martha scrambled to pull together the ultimate feast and prove herself as the hostess with the most, her sister Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and listened to his teachings in lieu of helping Martha.

So what’s one of the places we go when we compare? We all probably know it well: resentment. Resentment is an emotion that we often experience when we fail to set boundaries, ask for what we need, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can’t control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they’re going to react.

I think it’s safe to say Martha was resentful of Mary. Here she is running around, stressed out, trying to pull off an epic dinner spread, while her sister simply relaxes and listens to Jesus.  It’s commonly assumed resentment is a function of anger. Makes sense considering we usually feel anger rising when we’re resentful of someone. However, Brene came to learn that resentment is actually a function of envy. Such is the case with Martha. She’s not genuinely mad that Mary is listening to Jesus and not helping, she’s envious and wishes she could do the same. She wants to toss aside the responsibility of being hostess, but she’s not allowing herself to do so because she is much more concerned with external validation and how she is perceived. 

Resentment turns the cause of the emotion back on the person experiencing it. It’s not an emotion brought on by others’ actions or lack thereof, it’s an emotion caused by the unrealistic expectations we have of ourselves. So what is Jesus referring to when he tells Martha there is only one thing to be concerned about? He’s talking about being present with him. Worldly expectations (whether placed on us by others or by ourselves) and busyness driven by the need for validation often get in the way of our connection with Christ. So the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to another or seeking external validation, remember to take a breath and be present with the one who values us always – God. 

Prayer:
Heavenly Father, help me to break the habit of comparing myself to others. Remind me that my worth is not wrapped up in my accomplishments and my value to you is immeasurable. Help me to reconnect with you any time I feel myself falling into feelings of resentment. Assist me in choosing what is better. Amen.