Colossians 3:12-15, 17-20
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called into one body. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 

Reflection:
On a chilly December afternoon in 2006, we stood at a church altar — next to the church Christmas tree and hundreds of poinsettias — and said our vows. After dating for six years, we were married. Life was good. We had fun together. Marriage was easy. 

Fast forward to 2014 and we had our baby carriages. Two young kids — a rambunctious 3-year-old who doctors told us might not survive after birth and an infant who had ear infection after ear infection after ear infection. Between my husband and I, neither of us had worked a full week of work in months due to sick kids. We were exhausted, discouraged, and weak. My family was beyond ready to help take the load off, but they were miles away. My husband’s family had battles of their own and were just not present or able to help out. Life was hard. Marriage was no longer easy. 

My husband went from being someone I could easily find all the good in to someone that I was quickly finding all the faults in. Still holding true to our commitments, though, we were actively involved in the search committee during this time to help find the new leaders for SLUMC’s new worship community, now known as The Story. 

Fast forward a year or so later, I sat with my husband (whose “fault list” was continuously growing longer and longer in this brain and heart of mine) in the gymnasium at St. Luke’s and listened to one of Eric Huffman’s sermons. He spoke on these verses in Colossians 3 that Sunday morning, and I truly feel like he absolutely turned our marriage around that day.

Eric gave an equation that Sunday for a solid relationship and it looked something like this: 

 (( choice  + commitment )  x  forgiveness ))  –  resentment  =  a solid relationship.

I realized that Sunday that our unhappiness had to do with one BIG thing…my resentment. I realized that as the bitterness swelled in me, I had come to resent my husband. At the end of the day, it really had nothing to do with him — it was all me.

I was still committed to our relationship and I was capable of forgiveness, but I realized that day that I couldn’t move forward, we couldn’t move forward until I dealt with the resentment festering in me. Resentment that my family was so far away, resentment that my mom died at such a young age and wasn’t able to be a grandmother to my kids, resentment at my husband’s family because they weren’t present. Learning to let go of and release that resentment was so, so freeing for me and for us. 

I came home immediately that Sunday and wrote Eric’s equation in big letters in my Bible so I would never forget it! And you better believe that I have had to cling to this equation so, so much in 2020 – especially as my husband and I have navigated being “crisis-school” teachers, while both working from home and social distancing from our loved ones and support network. At the end of the day, I couldn’t do life without him and am so thankful for this “life lesson” I learned five years ago. 

Closing Prayer:
God,
Thank you for knowing when and how we need to hear you “speak” to us. Thank you for the people you place in our lives and for life lessons we can learn from each other. Please help me remember each and every day that there is no room for resentment in my life or in my relationships.